Everything to Everyone

I’ve been struggling a great deal in the past year or so to find a balance between all of my roles. There are so many people I love and things I want to do and be, and I’m still not sure yet exactly where all of the pieces fit.

Some roles and priorities are obvious. I am a wife, married to Wonderful Husband for seven years in April. This is by far my favorite role and the most important. We married young and have been through hell and fire together. He is my best friend. There really aren’t any words that sufficiently describe what he means to me. I need him the way I need air and water, food and sleep. The time we spend together is sacred. We are two separate people, however, with a few separate interests. Our work schedules are staggered- he generally has a weekend off with me once a month, and out of the other three weeks, he works another whole weekend. The other two he generally takes one day off with me and another during the week. We have done this for nearly ten years now, and it suits us well.

Money is good, the mortgage company likes for us to send them some every so often, so work is a clear priority, if only by force. I love my work, my workload not so much. The position I hold should be about a 50 hour a week job right now, while I am only about to hold steady at about 45 hours with the rest of my schedule……………

Mother to the furkids- this is nonnegotiable. We have a 10 month old German Shepard and three fat housecats. They are a demanding bunch, constantly needing food, water, fresh kitty litter, plenty of fetch, brushing and loving attention. I wouldn’t trade them for the world, but my life would be a lot easier if they understood the concept of homework.

Being a college student is very important to me. I waited an awfully long time to get started, much longer than I wanted to. I want that degree. I need that degree to build my empire. When the classes I have to take to get that degree are less than fascinating, I have a hard time staying disciplined about my homework. I’m taking a half load, which requires strong discipline if not iron will. Three classes means that I always have a paper or an exam coming up around the corner.

Entrepreneur. This is incredible- before I was promoted into my position, before I started college, I had a business plan half finished for a bookkeeping service. My idea was that small business owners are good at what they do, at what they love, and would probably pay to have it taken off their hands, and might pay even more to know where they’re at and how to improve. When the promotion came through and I started taking classes, I abandoned it for a lack of time. Now, a friend of mine wants to pay me to do his books. It’s starting slow, and that’s okay, because I don’ t have time for much more in my life, but it could be the most important thing I’m doing for my future empire.

Sister. I recently discovered, in the past few years, that my little sister didn’t suck as bad as I always thought she did. Turns out she’s funny, smart, sweet, and surprise- understands me better than anyone else except maybe WH. She gives him a run for her money- that’s for damn sure. Now that we’ve “found” each other, we can’t seem to get enough. Two hour phone calls, long weekend visits- it’s nothing like either us of ever expected things would turn out, but I love it. I love her, and not because I have to, but because of who she’s becoming.

Plant lover. I am a houseplant addict. We finally bought a house on 2 acres last summer, and I would like to have a berry patch, a cutting garden, and a veggie garden. HA! Half my houseplants died last summer, when I took 3 classes over the short summer term and nearly tore my hair out. The survivors are still recovering. I am in the first few stages of re-potting everything and starting fertilizer again. I find time for my plants somehow, but bare bones maintenance is usually all I can work out. I wish I had more time to enjoy them.

I wonder how I can complain about having so many wonderful things in my life- and there are many more I could list here- but then I realize that what bothers me is doing all of things, but not really have the time to do them as well as I like. I’ve been in a cycle lately of getting overwhelmed, wasting time doing nothing, feeling guilty for it, then getting overwhelmed by how it’s all piled up while I was wasting time, and wasting more time. The time change has improved this, if only slightly. Maybe spring will be easier.