I Shot the Sheriff

Dad Gone Mad got a traffic ticket today, and chose to diffuse some road rage on the officer who pulled him over. Quite the menace to society, that guy.

I yelled at a cop once. When I was still in high school, I was headed home from a party late at night. As I got closer to my house, I realized that someone was following me. Realizing, too, that I have a tendency toward paranoia, I ducked through two neighborhoods to be sure of it.

When the car continued to follow me, I headed up to the police station. My heart was beating out of my chest. It was thundering behind my ears, replaced for a second here and there by a rushing sound. I was being followed! Someone was going to try to kill me in my own driveway.

Once I hit the state highway and there was more light, I looked in the rear view and saw the light bar, just as it lit up. I burst into tears, relieved, shaking still, about to piss my pants. Barely able to get the car pulled over. The cop walked up to the window and ASKED ME WHAT I WAS DOING?!

“D-driving to the police station. Y-you were following me!”

“Couldn’t you tell I’m an officer, miss?”

“O-obviously not, or I wouldn’t have gone to the police station..”

“Where were you going?”

“H-home, I was trying to go home. Why were you following me?”

” You went in and out of two neighborhoods, it was suspicious.”

“YOU WERE FOLLOWING ME! WAS I SUPPOSED TO GO HOME AND GET OUT OF THE CAR? YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME! I WASN’T GOING TO SHOW YOU WHERE I LIVED SO YOU COULD KILL ME IN MY DRIVEWAY!” ~racking sobs~

“I’m so sorry, miss, I didn’t mean to scare you. You should have gone straight to the police station. Do your parents know where you are?”

“They did- they thought I was coming home.”

“Why don’t you go ahead and go on home, miss. I’m sorry to have startled you. The next time you think someone is following you, please go straight to the police station.”

“Okay. The next time you think someone is suspicious, pull them over without following them for miles.” ~sniffle~

Startle? Startle? More like induce a violent rush of panic- complete with uncontrollable shaking and hyperventilation.

At least I seemed to make him pretty nervous. He was seven kinds of freaked out when I starting bawling and snotting all over the place. I guess they don’t train for overly nervous, overly emotional teenagers in Police Academy. Surprising how a man who wears a bulletproof vest to work every day is still can’ t think clearly in the face of tears.

That town could have used some decent criminals to keep the heat off of the teenagers.