Like A Virgin

by Cat

I’ve been meaning to set this blog up for quite awhile. Nearly every day I check in on my favorite blogger- Dad Gone Mad- and I’ve come across a few others that have contributed to my procrastination habit recently. I wanted in on the fun, but blogging is harder than it looks. Deciding what you will and won’t reveal in your blog, publishing your first few posts, then coming back a day or two later actually relieved that no one read that drivel, and deleting them all…… I’ve promised myself I won’t do that anymore. Even though I’m unsure where this blog fits into my life, I do know that I’ve thought enough about it for long enough that I need to pursue it. Who knows when I’ll have time to maintain it, whether or not anyone will ever read it, and whether or not anyone I know will ever find it. I hate the unknown!

I used to be able to write. Or was it that I wrote well for my age back then, and now I’ve leveled out? I guess we’ll see. What I do know is that I have something to say. All the time. Also, I most often find that saying it is likely to land me in hot water. Which is the double-edged sword of blogging for me- I can say it here, but what is the potential for disaster? The drive to express myself tempered by the nausea inducing thought of it falling into the wrong hands. It will be good exercise in restraint for me. All of my old poetry from high school has either been thrown out, or I have hidden it from myself. Either way, I’m okay with it. Somehow keeping it around hampers my ability to change and grow. I can remember the past without having it documented. Hmm. Kind of like in a blog. Oh well.

Sometimes by ambivalence kills me. I can spend hours thinking about what I ought to do with my day, only to find that I spent it considering my options. Wonderful Husband gets so exasperated with me- I cannot be counted on to decide where to have dinner, or what to have with dinner, or what to do with a Saturday afternoon. It works out well in the end, though, because when I am particularly decisive, he tends to heed the call. Indecisiveness is the hallmark of anxiety and neurosis. All three are dominant parts of my palette. I also dabble in sarcasm, doubt and cattiness. At least I know my strengths…….

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