Posts from — April 2009

Almost every woman of childbearing age in my office is cycling the week, and I’m not talkin’ about bikes. Can you imagine? Almost all of us? The vending machine will be empty by end of business, probably.

So I thought maybe some of my male readers could solve a mystery for me.

Why, for the love of soft serve ice cream, do you boys tell us to eat?

“I wish you’d have something more than cereal for dinner.”

“You need a sandwich. Can I make you a sandwich.”

“Eat more food. Lots more. You’re freaking me out.”

” You should open that other can of tuna, too.”

“Is that all you’re having?”

Why do you do this? Why? It isn’t what you really want. I’ve seen porn. (once, by accident. )

Those girls do not sport the kind of muffin top or back fat that is acquired through sandwiches and four course dinners, and making friends with cake and cookies. They do not have thigh waddles. They do not have just a touch more ass than belongs in a Brazilian bikini bottom.

That’s who you’re looking at, who really turns you on and gets you going, and they’re eating cereal for dinner. So why are you trying to feed me?

I’m not bitter. I’m not anti-porn. It’s the discrepancy that I don’t get. Don’t say, either, that the porn girls aren’t fun to hang out with when doing unporny things. I may eat cereal for dinner, but eating steak isn’t going to make me any more or less charming. I swear.

One of my favorite guys in the office gave me a great explanation. He said that guys think that girls like hearing that they  need to eat. So you don’t really want me to eat another cookie, you just think that telling me to have another cookie brings you a little bit closer to getting in my pants.

What say you?

Next week we will discuss the relationship between a woman’s mood and the coverage her underwear affords her.  Stay tuned.