Santa, Darling

Dear Santa,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’ve been a very good girl this year. Well… If you’ve actually been watching, then at least it was a hell of a show, right? That has to be worth something. Here’s my list.

• four more plates in my china pattern.
• more white wine glasses.
• a tune up for my lawnmower.
• a dvd player.
• two more weeks of paid vacation.
• a solar powered motion detection light.
• good standby flight karma.
• another two years out of my sweet old car. or a new car. either way.
• a gorillapod for my digital camera.
• the magical disappearance of the yellowjackets’ nest in my foundation wall.
• a force-field that prevents my boss from contacting me after 445pm. or when i am about to take lunch.
• caller id on my office phone.
• a usb hub.
• new window screens.
• a new porch door that opens in and not out, complete with stoop large enough to set a few bags of groceries on, after i place the flower pots.
• self-cleaning gutters.
• a toaster oven.
• admission to Western Carolina University for the fall term.
• a mortgage assumption.
• a white Christmas, tons of spring wildflowers, a good long synchronous firefly season, and fabulous fall color.
• an old Swedish woman to do laundry, mop floors and rub the knots out of my shoulders.
• a droid (i’m so over the blackberry now).
• a garlic press.
• a mont blanc pen.
• a 37″ lcd flat screen.
• a sewing machine.
• a tax refund.
• not to lose anyone next year, or to at least have the chance to say a proper goodbye.
• more visits from my sister.
• more visits with family.
• a week at the beach.
• a new couch.
• more patience.

I would be so happy to get any of these things, Santa. I feel it is only fair to tell you that some lady in the Walmart parking lot wants to give me eternal life. You don’t want to get shown up, do you? I’m leaving you fudge and eggnog, and I expect a decent return on investment.

love and kisses,

verybadcat

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