Dear Santa,

I know that your selection criteria is naughty or nice. However, it is my contention that a smart girl can be both. In fact, I further contend that in certain circumstances, naughty is nice. Using this logic, I was a very, very good girl this year and thus deserve quite a haul. My references are available should you require them, but if you know when I’ve been sleeping and when I’m awake, I think I’ve made my case.

I need a new pocketknife, preferably one with a corkscrew. The TSA in Asheville confiscated my pocketknife when I forgot to remove it from my purse before a flight, and the guys at the Empire State Building apparently thought I was too unstable to carry a wine key up to the 102nd floor observatory. You don’t show them your list, do you?

I also need a business card holder, because sometime soon I will have a business website and business cards to give out. It would probably make a better impression to pull a pretty case out of my purse instead of having to rubber band them together or letting them swim in my purse soup. More professional, I think.

I would really, really like a seedling mat. The one laying around here somewhere is B’s, and she’s going to want it back soon. A girl can’t have a potting bench and not have a seedling mat. It just isn’t right.

We need a compost bin for the kitchen. Something dog and cat proof that is air-tight and not so small I have to dump it every day, but not so big that I can’t hold it over the compost pile when it’s full. Because I’m decidedly less attractive when I’m covered in egg shells and coffee grounds.

An itty bitty tripod for my ancient digital camera would really help with the wildflower photos when I have the coffee shakes or it’s nice and cloudy outside. I like to turn the flash off a lot.

As usual, anything cashmere is always a welcome sight under the tree. But you already knew that.

There’s just one last thing, Santa. My sister likes to act all grown up, so she refuses to write you a letter. But she could really use some scarves and heavy socks and long underwear- she’s freezing her lily white ass off up here. If you want to make her heart sing, you could bring her a telescope. Also, she’s always calculating the per hour cost of burning candles, so maybe you could send her some, even if that’s more a gift to me so she’ll shut up about it.

I will leave brandy, egg nog and fudge on the porch for you, and a bag of carrots for your reindeer. Just make sure you sweep the sleigh for runaway felines on your way out.

love and Christmas kisses!