So someone has invaded your daydreams again, and you love the heat in your cheeks and that little squirm it produces in your hips… but the quickening of your pulse and breath remind you of love’s perils, and you get that achy swell in your chest and tell yourself believing now will only hurt more later.

Stop that, already. I know, I know, your heart has had more than a trouncing or two, and you’ve broken a few hearts yourself. All logical evidence points to certain crushing defeat, and at three in the morning you take bets with yourself on when and how it will end. Then you realize that not only have you reconciled with pursuing something, but you are betting against yourself. Do you laugh, or cry? I always try to laugh, and occasionally I fail.

The human mind abhors a vacuum almost as much as the human heart, and this compels one towards continuous autopsy of failed love. The value of that exercise begins where we examine our own mistakes and lessons and ends with an allocation of blame. Even despite betrayal, dishonesty or malicious intent.

I think the biggest secret to life and love is the subtle but powerful choice to focus on stewardship over striving. We desire love, luxury,  self-actualization and grace so intensely that we too often forget how little control we have over the form we receive them in.

If the purpose of one’s life is to make an examined and constant effort to be a better steward of everything the universe offers, we are in the mindset to receive all we seek with humility, gratitude, and worthiness. It’s when we decide that we have a cosmic claim check for something in our coat pocket that our focus becomes collecting our due.

“I’ll pick you up at Baggage Claim”.

<shudders>

Sorry, cupcake. What you’ve got there is a cosmic raffle ticket.

You might not draw the specific prize you had your eye on, but everyone goes home with something. What you make of it is entirely up to you, and you can re-enter the cosmic raffle anytime you want, though there may be some opportunity cost involved.

I think so long as we are true to ourselves and treat others with respect and dignity whenever possible, we’ll all win eventually.

The prize is the experience, the lesson, the deepening of our hearts and the widening of our perspectives.

We do our best loving when we seek these things, rather than striving for attention and affection.

So go ahead. Believe. If you can’t believe in love just yet, start with believing in your own ability to grow and learn.

I just wanted to remind you: you have to play to win.

ugly ducklings don’t turn into swans
and glide off down the lake
whether your sunglasses are off or on
you only see the world you make

-bonnie raitt “thing called love”