Posts from — February 2012

respect; hold in esteem or honor, show regard or consideration, refrain from intruding upon; or interfering with, to relate or have reference to.

This recurring theme began springing up from all corners well before Valentine’s Day, and for the first time in quite some time, it swelled and deepened so quickly and intensely that I couldn’t pin it to the page. I found myself unable to set it aside and write about anything else; the mental and emotional space it occupies blots out easier subjects.

Faced with a less than enthusiastic reception from an acquaintance and a seeming inability to shrug off the perceived denial of acceptance or approval, it occurred to me that it wasn’t a lack of affection that concerned me, as I first thought, but a lack of respect. The nagging irritation could have been (and eventually was) resolved with a little regard and consideration.

The intensity of my anger and focus were more bothersome than the specific circumstances, so like a child with a new toy, I checked this revelation against other sources of rage that I’d been unable to shake in spite of having rather incredible things blooming.

Which, of course, led me directly to this.

My high school principal often said (in regard to bullying) “everyone has the right to be left alone”, and those words landed hard in my heart as a girl who has endured her fair share of bullying.

That inability to “refrain from intruding upon or interfering with” is exactly how an intelligent and insightful man who claims to be a good person that cares deeply for the people in his life manages to take a girl that loved him home from the bar for his own personal satisfaction, without regard or concern for her mental and emotional well-being. It is also how he finds himself excusing his behavior by denigrating her person and feigning ignorance of her nature, despite having done thorough research on both for some months before ever setting eyes on her.

Dare I say that outright disrespect for someone one “loves to death” must be symptomatic of a deep self-respect deficiency?

Oops. Anyway.

In the last month, my love life has come to resemble something from the middle chapters of cheesy romance novel. On the professional front, I’m actually starting to believe that I might not end up living out of a washing machine box under the I-240 overpass. The advantages to both of these developments are deep and plentiful, but they come with a most unpleasant side effect.

The people in my life who love me more in weakness than strength are revealing themselves, and lo, it is heartbreaking.

Obviously, this is a function of their own insecurities and deficiencies. While my compassion for that mindset is plentiful and borne of experience, my tendency to internalize the negativity of others leaves me in an awkward and difficult position.

I can’t have folks pissing in the garden; my very survival and future depends heavily on that sweetened soil. Both love and entrepreneurship require a faith that leaves no room for playing small to preserve relationships.

In order to hold myself in esteem and honor, I must require it from those permitted to enter my life and heart. The reverse is more often spoken of- a healthy dose of self-respect improves the quality of people one attracts, but that only lasts as long as the standard is upheld.

When I started this post some three weeks ago, it was a preachy, bitter tome about the perils of allowing disrespectful behavior and a righteous, angry call to rise up against those who would make us feel small.

It took me that long to remember that we make ourselves too big or too small; the world only makes that chore easier or harder.

Instead, I’ll just ask you to do the whole world a favor:

Respect yourself.