Category — blogging

When I publish a post I’m sensitive about, I argue with myself about having posted it. The secret to my insane rate of self disclosure here is that I entertain that argument only after I hit publish. Then I spend two days trying not to puke on my shoes when I think about it.

My discomfort always stems from the same thought- what if someone were to judge me just on that post? What if someone just clicks through here and this is their first impression of me? Or, more terrifying, what if someone who knows what my laugh sounds like reads it and it changes their perception of me for the worse? Of course, you know the end to this story- I always end up reassuring myself that not being true to myself is a much worse fate than losing favor with people.

Still, when I’m in the middle of reorganizing my kitchen cabinets and wondering what a fucking lunatic I am, I get a Twitter notification with a link to a sweet surprise.

Thank you, Angela, for the reminder that if you trust people with the truth of who you are, you’ll be rewarded by the ones who matter the most.

So, I have a blog. It would appear that I also have a sweetheart. We’re Facebook friends, but when I accepted his request, I put him on the friend list that doesn’t have access to this place. He doesn’t see my website field, and he doesn’t see my NetworkedBlog badge on my profile. As far he is concerned, I’m one of those normal girls that doesn’t pour her heart and soul out and publish it publicly on the web for all to see and read.

Obviously, I’m not abandoning one of the best parts of my life (blogging) for anyone. I told him about my trip to Vegas in May, I just failed to mention exactly why I was going. “There’s a convention there I want to attend” was all I gave him, and he didn’t push for more information.

I’m proud of this space, and I stand behind my posts- all of them. This a very genuine and significant part of who I am.

I’m excited to share it with him, I really am.

I’m also scared to death.

I will wait until we are breathing the same air to do it. I will sit him down at my desk, in front of my laptop, pull up this url and go cook dinner while he pokes around. There, but not over his shoulder.

Still. I fear his reaction to a three year archive of the crazy. As far as I know, he doesn’t have any equivalent data for me. Which is exactly why he doesn’t know this place yet- that would have been too unfair, on both ends- for him to have access to all of this without my having the same information.

So this is the part where you tell me how you “came out” as a blogger to your loved ones, and how they took it, and any other thoughts you might have about the situation, especially including any reassurance you’d like to give me that he will like me more and not less once he’s poked through my archives…

Go.